The 5 steps to becoming a stereotypical Brit
Stereotype No. 1: the British love to drink tea: You must drink endless cups of tea. The mere mention of such wonders as Earl Grey and English breakfast tea should set your heart aflutter and you should refuse to drink absolutely anything else.
Stereotype No. 2: British people are obsessed with Harry Potter: You should, of course, absolutely adore Harry Potter. You must carry a copy of all seven books with you at all times, as well as wand, a broomstick and a cage with an owl in. You should dedicate one day a week (or 19 hours and 38 minutes to be precise) to watching a marathon of all the Harry Potter DVDs and must try to memorise as many of the lines as possible in a bid to impress your friends with your Harry Potter wisdom (because, really, how else would you make friends?!). The same applies to Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes.
Stereotype No. 3: the British are overly polite: As a Brit, you should start and finish every phrase by excusing yourself with ‘sorry’. Equally, you must repeat ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ at least five times within a sentence. When entering a shop you must be on red alert for absolute maximum politeness is required. If all else fails just take a quick turn about the shop and then make a swift exit, never having got what you actually came in for, but at least avoiding an awkward situation.
Stereotype No. 4: Brits love the Royal Family: An essential quality of every true Brit is that we absolutely love the Royal Ramily. Every morning should begin with a hearty rendition of our national anthem, God Save the Queen. Please always keep in mind that everything can be decorated with a Union Jack flag. Clothes, bed sheets, sofas ... you might even want to try hanging a few from the windows of your house or the roof of your car. In addition, all royal celebrations must be thoroughly prepared for in advance and celebrated with fervour. Flags, cakes and tea must be stocked in abundance. The lack of any one of these will inevitably lead to the failure of any royal-based event.
Stereotype No. 5: it’s always raining in Britain: As a Brit, of course you can never leave the house without an umbrella, a raincoat and some wellington boots for good measure. Never let the sun fool you into thinking it might be a nice day. While you might occasionally spy the sun in the sky here in the UK, this is no reason to lose all of your good sense and leave one of these essential items at home. It will rain eventually, don’t you worry. And if on the off-chance there ever is a genuinely sunny day ... well then you best stay inside, you aren’t equipped to handle it.